Friday, March 14, 2014
God with me in the Depths of Hell
I wrote this post several months ago when I was going through an extremely painful time. Now I can look at it and say God has held me through this. I have been to hell and back, but God has held me. And when you are going through hell he will hold you too. "Sometimes things hurt. This evening has been one of those times. Sometimes I wish I could just take people by the shoulders and shake them and say you have no idea how much I'm hurting. You have no idea how it feels to be trapped in my shoes in this situation. Because I can't actually talk about it. But I'm hurting. And sometimes there aren't words to express how I feel, and people look at the outside and think I'm okay now, but I'm not. I'm coping now, and I can find a safe spot to cry in peace, but it doesn't take away the pain, and sometimes even my safe places are invaded. The ones that aren't I can't usually stay in for very long (i.e. church) and some days I wish the office was open so I could just go there, and sit somewhere quiet and cry until my heart felt like it's tears had been heard, but I can't. So I find a quiet place somewhere else and weep in silence. God hears me. God sees my tears, and he's not far off, like it seems like everyone else is when I need a shoulder to cry on, or just some space to live. One day I won't live feeling like my basic needs and emotional safety are constantly threatened by the circumstances thrust upon me." "Where can I run from your presence Lord? ...if I go to the depths of hell even then you are there."